Waking Up

November 8, 2016 4:07 AM

 

So many times I wake up in the middle of the night and I think I should probably get up and go to some writing. And so here we are.

My husband and I had another fight last night. But before it could escalate into a screaming match I walked out and came into my office. It seems here lately that I can’t say anything to him without him thinking I’m trying to start a fight. Think it’s his defense mechanism because he doesn’t want any confrontation so he puts all the blame on me. I’m not trying to give him excuses but this really is getting old. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

Putting all the blame on him but whenever I try to discuss things that have to do with the house he thinks I’m nitpicking or trying to start an argument. I don’t know anybody wants to start an argument just for arguments sake. And if there are people out like that out there, find something else to do your sanity is not even worth it.

I’ve been wanting to write some books so took some time off from school. I’m not even sure I’m going to go back. I can’t finish my degree anyhow. I have capped out of my financial aid. I have some ideas on how I can maneuver getting everything paid for finished but all that stuff takes time. I just don’t have time. I keep picking up other things you side jobs and side projects just extra stuff that I really don’t need to be picking up.

I have one that I want to write about and that is my relationship with my mom. Another book I have which is fiction, is about a woman who is very wealthy and powerful in the community, leave the secret life in her mansion. The plot is she has these relationships with men and they all seem to move into her mansion. Each one has a specific role to play. There is also a book about the adventures with my dog. But apparently someone has already come up with a children’s book with the adventures of her dog. It seems like every good idea I have someone else is already picked it up. That happens to me with inventions as well. I don’t ever have the money to spend on an invention so therefore I can’t do anything about it and that gives someone else plenty of time to come up with the same idea

I am trying out my new software with you right now. I bought a digital download of Nuance Dragon naturally speaking. I can tell I will need to go back and edit this article. I’m hoping to use this technology to. That’s why I bought it. Duh!

The only issue I’m having is that my headset is so large and the earpieces go over my ears, for listening quality, but it’s annoying I really just want a headpiece that just has a microphone on it. Off to Amazon.com I go.

See you later.

P

Oh P.S.  Should I give you a lesson to learn here? Some MAJOR quote? Should my writing be about what you take away from it or about what I am sharing about myself in the moment? Just curious!

 

I am OVER this!

Hi G,

Today, I come to you with an update about how I’m OVER this and OVER that.

I’m over-weight, over-50.  My gray hair?  I’m OVER it!

Two months ago I signed up at the gym in town.  I thought, ‘hey I’ll go back into weight training for bodybuilding like I was going to in my late 20’s, early 30’s.  I still have ‘muscle memory’ they say.  That’s all and good, but I’m not as young as I once was.  And, I totally do not feel my age, 53, in case you were wondering.  So, not really old, yet.  It’s the new 30s, right?

I feel young.  When I look into the mirror, I do not see the person that I feel like I am.  I still want to live life.  But, my husband?  That’s a horse of a different color, as they say.  He, doesn’t want to do anything.  No riding bikes, no gym time, no nothing.

I know we’re getting older but c’mon.  We’re not dead yet.

These days I find myself not doing anything at the gym.  I have only walked through their doors twice in the past two weeks.  I’m praying for some kind of brainwashing to happen that will turn on a light bulb that says ‘GO TO THE GYM, MORON!’  I could go on with the self-insulting vocabulary.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m being lazy.  Or, is it because I have no one to go with?  I don’t have any supporters.  My family lives an hour away.  (I want to move back home so bad).  And, while it is only an hour away, we’re not close.  If it wasn’t for my mom, I don’t think any of my siblings would ever come to see me.  They always want me to go see them (yeah, my friends are like that too).  It’s like they don’t want to put forth an effort.  Oh well!  (tearing up now). It’s tough being alone!

So, it’s Summer now and I have another two months before I start classes for my Bachelors.  My plan was to write two books and self-publish.  Which, by the way, you can do at Amazon.com.  Well, I haven’t written not one single word – NOT ONE!  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I can’t seem to get anything done.  My house even needs to have a deep cleaning and I can’t get that done either.  OMG!!!!

I’m overwhelmed with the stuff that needs to get done.  I don’t have anyone to help me.  My husband isn’t interested and he is worn out from working in a sweat box of a warehouse all day.  His brother lives with us and he’s no help either.  Our house is overcrowded with all of our years of collecting and general household items.  I mean, we took three households and forced them into one.  We’re still dealing with the residual effects of combining those homes.  It’s crazy!

My art/sewing studio is my dining room.  I have fabric in boxes and tubs and they’re everywhere.  Whooaaa!!!!

There’s so much more to share, but I’ll leave you now.  I’m a lot to handle.  🙂

Until we meet again,

P