I am OVER this!

Hi G,

Today, I come to you with an update about how I’m OVER this and OVER that.

I’m over-weight, over-50.  My gray hair?  I’m OVER it!

Two months ago I signed up at the gym in town.  I thought, ‘hey I’ll go back into weight training for bodybuilding like I was going to in my late 20’s, early 30’s.  I still have ‘muscle memory’ they say.  That’s all and good, but I’m not as young as I once was.  And, I totally do not feel my age, 53, in case you were wondering.  So, not really old, yet.  It’s the new 30s, right?

I feel young.  When I look into the mirror, I do not see the person that I feel like I am.  I still want to live life.  But, my husband?  That’s a horse of a different color, as they say.  He, doesn’t want to do anything.  No riding bikes, no gym time, no nothing.

I know we’re getting older but c’mon.  We’re not dead yet.

These days I find myself not doing anything at the gym.  I have only walked through their doors twice in the past two weeks.  I’m praying for some kind of brainwashing to happen that will turn on a light bulb that says ‘GO TO THE GYM, MORON!’  I could go on with the self-insulting vocabulary.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m being lazy.  Or, is it because I have no one to go with?  I don’t have any supporters.  My family lives an hour away.  (I want to move back home so bad).  And, while it is only an hour away, we’re not close.  If it wasn’t for my mom, I don’t think any of my siblings would ever come to see me.  They always want me to go see them (yeah, my friends are like that too).  It’s like they don’t want to put forth an effort.  Oh well!  (tearing up now). It’s tough being alone!

So, it’s Summer now and I have another two months before I start classes for my Bachelors.  My plan was to write two books and self-publish.  Which, by the way, you can do at Amazon.com.  Well, I haven’t written not one single word – NOT ONE!  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I can’t seem to get anything done.  My house even needs to have a deep cleaning and I can’t get that done either.  OMG!!!!

I’m overwhelmed with the stuff that needs to get done.  I don’t have anyone to help me.  My husband isn’t interested and he is worn out from working in a sweat box of a warehouse all day.  His brother lives with us and he’s no help either.  Our house is overcrowded with all of our years of collecting and general household items.  I mean, we took three households and forced them into one.  We’re still dealing with the residual effects of combining those homes.  It’s crazy!

My art/sewing studio is my dining room.  I have fabric in boxes and tubs and they’re everywhere.  Whooaaa!!!!

There’s so much more to share, but I’ll leave you now.  I’m a lot to handle.  🙂

Until we meet again,

P