Some Other Time Then

Mountain RangeIt’s Friday, Nov. 10, 2017. I know you know that. The reason for my reference to the date, or more specifically, day of the week is that on Monday I was released from my new position as insurance sales agent. It all started in September.

I interviewed September 7th and was offered a position as insurance agent two days later. I was drawn to the company because of their training program. I was asked to come to the office for a morning meeting at least once a week. I suppose it was to re-insure them of my interest in the position. So, every Tuesday or Thursday I happily dressed the part and went to the meeting. I didn’t get paid for my time and I wasn’t official until I passed a 215 license state exam. I paid for the classes and the test. If I pass the state exam, the company will reimburse me.

On October 9th, I passed my state exam and was reimbursed the fees for my training and license. I went out into the field with an assigned mentor. I young woman, married with two small children. I spent at least eight hours a day with her, sometimes less. I didn’t make any money that week. The following week, I spent four days at the corporate headquarters.  We spent our time training on how to be an insurance sales person and telemarketing.

I would like to stay positive on this subject but quite frankly you need to know things were not always positive.

Sales, really!

I have never seen myself as a sales agent of any kind. I was never good at Avon, Mary Kay, or any of the other “home party” companies. I would rather people come to me to by my product. I didn’t want to go to them and sell them my product, or me. Because really, in sales, you are ultimately selling yourself first.

That being said, I was desperate for a job. I had been applying for jobs for what seems like forever. I remember my boss saying, “People go into sales as a last ditch effort to make money”.  Trust me, there is money to be made in sales, no matter who you work for. And, this, was my last ditch effort. I thought too, “if this doesn’t work out I’ll go back into photography”. It didn’t work out. I was let go after two weeks back from agent training. No reason was given. No discussion was wanted. I don’t know what I did or said that made my boss want to part ways. I made goals for myself. I had plans. So, some other time then?

Break Time is Over.

I think I need a break – a break from my life. I’ll be 56 years old a week from today. I’m not happy about it. It is what it is, as they say. But seriously, there is just so much more to life than playing house or working a 9 to 5. I think I might work on my books and photography. Maybe I’ll do some travelling. I need – an adventure. I have to decide soon.

Being let go from my job was devastating. I take it very hard and find it difficult to just pop back into society, or everyday life. Yes, I cried. I got angry. Even my husband got angry at my boss.

I Get To Choose My Life.

I was listening to a podcast recently and the woman said, “Everyone has a plan for my life and how it should look, [from my kids, husband, boss, family, friends]. But, I am the one who gets to choose my life”. I love that statement. She’s right. I need to tell everyone around me, “I get to choose my life. Just because you want to sit around here not experiencing life, doesn’t mean I have to”.

I feel like I am wasting away here. There is so much more outside of me to experience and I want to do that before I leave this planet.

There’s just one problem. I don’t like doing things by myself. It’s also not safe to go travelling by yourself. You don’t know how many times I have wanted to get into my car and just take off up north. I think I can go as far as half way on my gas gauge. You know, like if there’s a half a tank, I’ll just drive for as far as a quarter tank will take me. Then, I’ll have enough gas to turn around and come back home.

I know my blogs are always short, but I am determined to make them better. I will be doing some updates to the look and theme of my blog. I will be adding new photos and links. Stay tuned!

Always,

PM

 

 

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I am OVER this!

Hi G,

Today, I come to you with an update about how I’m OVER this and OVER that.

I’m over-weight, over-50.  My gray hair?  I’m OVER it!

Two months ago I signed up at the gym in town.  I thought, ‘hey I’ll go back into weight training for bodybuilding like I was going to in my late 20’s, early 30’s.  I still have ‘muscle memory’ they say.  That’s all and good, but I’m not as young as I once was.  And, I totally do not feel my age, 53, in case you were wondering.  So, not really old, yet.  It’s the new 30s, right?

I feel young.  When I look into the mirror, I do not see the person that I feel like I am.  I still want to live life.  But, my husband?  That’s a horse of a different color, as they say.  He, doesn’t want to do anything.  No riding bikes, no gym time, no nothing.

I know we’re getting older but c’mon.  We’re not dead yet.

These days I find myself not doing anything at the gym.  I have only walked through their doors twice in the past two weeks.  I’m praying for some kind of brainwashing to happen that will turn on a light bulb that says ‘GO TO THE GYM, MORON!’  I could go on with the self-insulting vocabulary.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m being lazy.  Or, is it because I have no one to go with?  I don’t have any supporters.  My family lives an hour away.  (I want to move back home so bad).  And, while it is only an hour away, we’re not close.  If it wasn’t for my mom, I don’t think any of my siblings would ever come to see me.  They always want me to go see them (yeah, my friends are like that too).  It’s like they don’t want to put forth an effort.  Oh well!  (tearing up now). It’s tough being alone!

So, it’s Summer now and I have another two months before I start classes for my Bachelors.  My plan was to write two books and self-publish.  Which, by the way, you can do at Amazon.com.  Well, I haven’t written not one single word – NOT ONE!  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I can’t seem to get anything done.  My house even needs to have a deep cleaning and I can’t get that done either.  OMG!!!!

I’m overwhelmed with the stuff that needs to get done.  I don’t have anyone to help me.  My husband isn’t interested and he is worn out from working in a sweat box of a warehouse all day.  His brother lives with us and he’s no help either.  Our house is overcrowded with all of our years of collecting and general household items.  I mean, we took three households and forced them into one.  We’re still dealing with the residual effects of combining those homes.  It’s crazy!

My art/sewing studio is my dining room.  I have fabric in boxes and tubs and they’re everywhere.  Whooaaa!!!!

There’s so much more to share, but I’ll leave you now.  I’m a lot to handle.  🙂

Until we meet again,

P